My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
