I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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