I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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