when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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