hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
