i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
