First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
