Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
