I would do horrible things to your vagina.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
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Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night