beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.