i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
