I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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