Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
