dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
