My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
