did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
