i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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