On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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