i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
