they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
