Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
