Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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