You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
