well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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