I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
