So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
