so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
