Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
