The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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