No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize