you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
