how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
