I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
