it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
