Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
