My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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