Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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