i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
