i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it's like iHOP with fire
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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