Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
