first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
