Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
