Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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