my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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