it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
