Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
