i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
