If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
