Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
