She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
