Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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