My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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