If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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