You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
