Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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