alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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