the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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