the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
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All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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