I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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