Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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