You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
