I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
