Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
