Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
