Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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