Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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