Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
