as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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