I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
