My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
