Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
