In America we eat man semen.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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