I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
