"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
