i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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