he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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